Monday, 17 August 2015
"Can nobody hear me?", sings Dan Reynolds of Imagine Dragons, "I've got a lot that's on my mind".
This week has been a lot of the same-old-same-old on my end, or so it feels like. Days come and go, and sometimes I wonder, 'can nobody hear me??????' and it bugs the HECK outta me cuz I'm here all like 'I'VE GOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU EVER NEED LISTEN TO ME', but I guess this week, I've started to realize, it really isn't all that important whether people hear ME or not, but whether they hear the Spirit talking to them. In walking around my area, I'm able every day to find people to teach, but them thing that's been bugging me is that there is quite little progression in my investigators, and my role is just 'the nice Elder that has a good message and of course we'll listen to the word but I'm too busy to go to church', and so, in all honesty, I'm getting a little bit frustrated sometimes, cuz I question whether or not what I'M doing is good enough, but, in reality, it doesn't matter whether they hear me, cuz if they don't hear the Spirit, they won't hear ANYTHING.
One day this week, I was quite frustrated, and waking up, I really did NOT want to do anything. My desire was so low, and I was pretty bummed out. That morning, I said to Heavenly Father, pretty honestly, 'Heavenly Father, I have no clue what I'm doing here, but I know you need me. I'm willing to do whatever you want, just give me the strength to do it', and for me, I've begun to realize often to solution for this is just to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how tough or tiring or useless it might seem. That day, I just walked forward, hoping for the best, and as my day went on, I was able to feel a TOTAL change in how I felt, going from exhausted and disheartened, to being excited and FULL of energy. That day, we had walked out to the zone a bit further away, Tinteira, and on the walk back, I was so happy I was singing and maybe dancing like a bit of a white idiot. Thankfully nobody really lives on the road to Tinteira, so nobody really saw or heard :) I guess if I learned anything from that day, it was that when we've got nothing left to give, or 'nothing left to say', as is titled another Imagine Dragons song, the Lord will give us that which we need to get through those days that we just don't wanna do anything. It was definitely a humbler for me, and a day I was very grateful for.
To get back to my main point I wanna make, this past week I've really started on focusing in on my investigators really looking for an answer about our message. We are so confident that our message is true, that we get our investigators to legitimately ASK God if they are true or not. Sometimes, it's absolutely incredible to see what people receive, and other times, terribly sad to see how little people are really willing to give to God. One lesson we taught this week, we were teaching a 19 year old girl, and I was trying so hard to help her understand how important it was for her to ask for an answer, but I could tell she was apathetic towards it, so I felt the need at the end to ask her, 'Do you honestly want an answer about these things?', to which she responded, 'well, yeah', and I asked her, 'then do you honestly believe God can give that to you?', after which the answer was a bit of a shoulder shrug, a bit of a 'hmm' and a final, 'more-or-less', which in Cape Verdean talk, basically means 'yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, not really'. I could teach this girl EVERYTHING about the gospel, perfectly, and with the Spirit, but if she doesn't believe God can actually tell her it's true, then I've got nothing for ya.
I really hope my email this week hasn't come across as depressing, I apologize for as such. I'm gunna be sticking with my companion likely til the end of the transfer, which is another two weeks. Won't be the worst thing ever, but I'm just dang tired . On the upside, though, my harmonica skills are becoming INCREDIBLE.
(And he has been asked to teach a ward member how to play the piano...that should be interesting!)
Love y'all, and thanks for the support!